The Muck.

In my past life, I was an award-winning copywriter and the only female SVP Creative Director at one of the biggest advertising agencies in Los Angeles. (Creating gazillion dollar commercials for Honda, Acura and the like.)

I was kinda like Don Draper from Madmen but without the suits, the cigarettes or the martinis.

It was the type of job I dreamed about in my 20’s. But in my 40’s, it felt like a prison sentence. The “real me” was silently screaming to get out.

Well, I got my chance at fifty, when I lost my big fat Execu-woman job. And began the long, scary journey to find myself again.

Along the way, I consulted for individuals and brands. And eventually, created my own brand of inspiration called Oh My Goddess. (Greeting cards, prints, a book and a blog.)

To the outside world, everything looked great. But inside, I still felt a deep sorrow.

My soul cried out make a real difference in the world. But I didn’t know what or how.

And every time I started to get some traction, I’d get sucked back into some very challenging family issues.

So, midway through my fifties, (tick-tick-tick), I worried that I was running out of time.

One day, I just sat in my backyard, stuck in muck of self-doubt and fear.

“Am I too old to make my deepest dreams come true?” I sobbed to the Universe, my dog, or anyone else who was listening.

“Please give me a sign.”

I went for a walk. And when I got home, I got a sign all right.

(You can’t stop now….)


  • Sharon Smiley  

    I am so in the muck! I lost my daughter six years ago. Clawed and climbed my way back to a life. Feeling joy again and hope for the future my husband and best friend for 23 years said bye-bye, I am out of here. Oh to trust this muck. Challenging but nothing ever is going to take me down. My daughter comes to me aS a dragon fly and butter fly. I love them both so much. Thank you for sharing so honestly and please accept by condolences for your losses.

    • Wendi Knox  

      Oh, Sharon. I cannot imagine all the muck you have gone through. It’s huge. And yet, I can tell you still have so much faith and strength. I love that your daughter comes to you in the form of two such magical beings. I believe she is supporting and guiding you on this challenging journey while you grow your beautiful wings. I send you prayers and virtual hugs. Better days are ahead. I just know it.

    • Eva  

      My daughter hasn’t spoken to me for 6 years. The first two, I literally was dead walking amongst the living. My son, who is 2 years younger helped pull me back from that. As I was healing, I find out my own younger sister had hidden my daughter and was the one behind my daughter’s actions. Betrayal is the worst anyone can do to hurt you. Six years have passed and I had to forgive! I pray for both everyday and hope that one day my daughter will heal and return. My soul cries to this day….. but I am strong and believe in love and the power it has. So I wait …..

      • Wendi Knox  

        Dear Eva,
        I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that love triumphs.I am so saddened to hear all that you have been through. I, too, have had a very difficult journey with my son. And at times, it felt hopeless. But everyday I kept praying, holding the highest thought I could and breathing in the words “All is well. All is possible.” I pray for your family. And that you find magic emerge from this muck.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *