What the muck is going on here?

what_the_muck

Well, the truth is, I’ve been stuck in the muck of some serious letting go.

Since March, I’ve lost my Mom, my father-in-law, my doggie, sold our house in Los Angeles and made Ojai our home.

(You may have noticed that I’ve let go of the name “Dragonfly Movement” too. But we’ll talk about that later.)

I’d like to tell you that I’ve made all these soul-shaking transitions with ease and grace.

But since that would be a big fat lie, I will share a few Dragonflying Lessons that have helped me deal with some very challenging times.

And I hope they’ll help you, no matter what kind of muck you’re dealing with in your life.

Trust in the muck.

Before becoming magnificent winged beings, dragonflies start off as your basic nondescript black bugs, crawling around the bottom of the pond.

They go through all kinds of changes down there that are invisible to the eye. Continually shedding old versions of themselves and growing new ones.

Lucky for them, they don’t have that punishing voice inside spewing,“What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you flying yet? Everybody else is flying.”

Somehow, they just trust the process. And know that their time in the muck is what grows their wings.

That’s something we all need to remember.

Don’t get out. Go in.

It’s human nature to want to get out of the muck. To cry a few tears, read a self-help book and get on with it.

But the truth is, the only way out of our pain is to go in.

We need to allow ourselves the time and space to feel our feelings. And to crawl around in our fear, our worry, our grief and our sadness.

Trust me, I’ve done a lot of crawling around the last several months.

But instead of being compassionate and kind like I would be to a friend, I’ve water-boarded myself with cruel comments like:

Get over it.”  “You should be more productive.”  “You call yourself a writer? You haven’t written a word for months.”

To be honest, I had no energy for doing. And had to make peace with being.

There are times in all of our lives when we need to honor our process. And surrender to the void.

It’s in that void that we grow our wings.

There’s magic in the muck.

Besides all the transitions, I’ve also been struggling with that deep existential muck that you may be grappling with too:

“Who Am I? And Why Am I Here?” 

As much as I’ve  loved the idea of “The Dragonfly Movement,” I haven’t been able to explain it to people in one simple sentence. Or even two or three.

(Which is especially mucked up, since I’m an award-winning copywriter and branding expert.)

For months, I kept thinking and thinking about how to put my mission into words. And kept getting more and more confused.

But then, one day, when I was crawling around  in the muck of so much loss and change, (not thinking, but feeling), the answer unexpectedly “flew in.”

It came from somewhere far beyond my brain. A voice so clear, it felt like my Higher Self was talking to me.

And it said:

“I HELP WOMEN GET UNSTUCK FROM THEIR MUCK. AND INTO THEIR MAGIC.

Phew. After months of going around in circles, I finally felt the peace of a clear, true path.

And that same, wise voice gave me specific “Flight Instructions” on just how I can help other women find the magic in their muck. And take flight.

(Something that I’m really excited to share with you soon.)

In the meantime, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a loyal flying companion on this ever-changing journey of ours.

Tell us about your muck, your magic or ___________.

We all have so much to learn from each other. So, if you feel like it, please leave a comment at the bottom of the post. 

Aaah.

It feels so good to be back with you, my beloved fetch. (The dragonfly equivalent of a gaggle of geese.)

With soaring gratitude and so much love,
xoxWendi

17 comments

  • Debra  

    I just finished watching your speech at Grief Haven- very inspiring and touching. Thanks, Wendi.
    xo Debra

    • Wendi Knox  

      Thank you, Debra. It means so much to me that you took the time to watch it. And to write here. xoWendi

  • Melanie Kissell  

    Wonderful moments of truth, trying times, and tenderness, Wendi — fab post!

    I’ve been wading through the muck this year, too, with the passing of my brother in March and my mum’s death at the end of last month. I’m not going to apologize when I announce I haven’t blogged at all in 2016.

    LOVE this line: “To be honest, I had no energy for doing. And had to make peace with being.” Me, too, Wendi. Me, too.

    • Wendi Knox  

      Thank you, Melanie. It sounds like you and I have been on a similar path. And we deserve to just “be.” In fact, we should celebrate it. I have found such fullness emerging from the emptiness. We have to keep reminding each other of that. With soaring gratitude to you for sharing your muck. I know you are growing much magic. In the meantime….breathing helps. Much love xoxo

  • Joya  

    I loved every single word, in fact it felt like I had written it.
    Yes, indeed – my ego and mind can not believe it – I am still recovering from my blow with the fire. For one year and more I have not been able to DO, could only BE.

    I just heard sth from Marianne W, it was about personal need versus God/Goddess will, and I got it, my ego still so wants to call the shots, make decisions, push, plan, control, and – these days I have to wait and wait and wait until I get a 10K crystal clear YES that vibrates in all my cells in order to go into action. It’s humbling, it’s a blessing
    and sometimes it’s really hard to trust it it!!!!

    • Wendi Knox  

      Thank you so much Joya, for sharing your truth and your heart here. It helps so much to know that we are not stuck in the muck all alone. By sharing our truth, we can help lift each other up. You are truly a dragonfly, Joya…emerging from the fire, with luminous colors of courage and alchemy to share with so many others.With love , Wendi

  • Davia Rivka  

    Wendy,

    Thanks for your vulnerable, wise words. Every morning I wake up and say, “is it November 9th yet?” This election, the state of the world, climate change has got me deep in the muck. Anxiety has wrapped her wings around me so tightly that my breathing is labored. It’s always good to have company in the swamp. Not to pull each other under, but to be there for one another.

    Davia

    • Wendi Knox  

      Dear Davia—Thank you for sharing here. I know exactly how you feel. On my stronger, wiser days I try to look at this mucked up election from a more spiritual perspective. And I believe that it has been an opportunity for our country to crawl around in the muck, shedding layers and layers of the old patriarchal structure, fear, bigotry, misogyny, ego, elitism, etc. And I hope and pray, that we, like the dragonfly are growing our light-filled wings of what this country is really about—equality, liberty, justice, etc. That is my hope and prayer. And since the only thing we have control over is how we look at things….that’s how I’m looking at it.

  • Betsy  

    It was 10 years ago I was in the middle of the muck with colorectal cancer,and nothing would stop the diarrhea except drops of opium on my tongue. My fear was becoming an addict along with diarrhea forever! I was so worn out, too tired to chew ( and I love chewing)when standing at my kitchen sink, the room became still as stone, and my smiling deceased parents, first mom, then dad came to me with a whoosh sound. I dropped to my knees, and they were gone. But then a clear, strong, beautiful voice came from inside?, outside? And said “Pay attention. Pay attention.” Sound came back into the room and I knew that all was well. God spoke to me and I began to crawl out of the muck and find my wings. Pay attention to your thoughts, your body, your problems, all of your precious life and know that the Great Spirit is breathing with you in your muck, your transformation, and your iridescent wings. Thank you Wendi for your dragonfly visual. I didn’t have it then, but now I have many dragonfly solar lights in my yard by the lake in our sweet cottage. I am a fan of them and you.

  • Kathy  

    Hi my sweet friend,
    Sometimes you do just have to
    climb under the covers and say muck it!!! Well, welcome back! I’ve missed you. 💗🌸👭
    ❌⭕️❌⭕️❌⭕️❤️

    • Wendi Knox  

      You have a way with words, beautiful Kathy. You’re right–we all need our blankies from time to time. It feels good to be flying without it for a while. I adore you xoxoxo

  • Leslie  

    Wendi
    Your ability to so eloquently yet bravely express the sentiments that plague most of us is much appreciated , we spend so much time looking out at the things that we think we need/ want/must have/don’t have that we forget the beauty within that others see. We all ask the same questions but it is the answers that define us .

    • Wendi Knox  

      Leslie, talk about eloquence. What a magnificent way you have of expressing yourself. I will cherish this your words and re-read them the next time I am stuck in the muck of self-doubt–wondering if what I am doing means anything!!! With big hugs of gratitude,Wendi

  • Wendy Clarke-Levy  

    Dearest Wendi,
    I am so very sorry to learn of all the difficulties you have faced in such a short period.

    We met only a few times but I was struck by your grace, strength and resilience. I felt completely peaceful when we were together. I hope to see you again sometime soon. Let me know when we could meet, perhaps for lunch sometime.

    I’d love to know what’s been going on and wil check your website for details.

    Sending love,
    Wendy

    • Wendi Knox  

      Oh Wendy…your words went straight to my heart. I will never forget our neighborhood meeting. It was like we were old friends yet had only just met. I would love to see you again….maybe you will beheading toward Ojai one of these days? In the meantime, you’re on my list and part of my beloved “fetch.” xoxoWendi

  • Julie Mayer  

    Dear Wendi,
    Every time I see a dragonfly I think of you and remember the magic of that special day when we saw what seemed like thousands of red dragonflies in your garden. So much has happened since. Your honesty, clarity and willingness to share both your muck and your magic is a helpful guide for personal growth and transformation. Especially during these tumultuous and often stressful times, it’s so good to remember that sometimes we have to be in the muck and learn our lessons before we can truly fly and shine.

    Thank you, Wendi, for bringing this forth in such a creative and powerful way.

    With love, Julie

    • Wendi Knox  

      Oh, Julie….your reflections here mean so much to me, my dragonfly soul sister. What a blessing it was to share that mystical, magical experience with you. I feel like our hearts expanded and connected in new ways ever since that day. And if it weren’t for you, I would have thought I was hallucinating. Those dragonflies seemed to have a plan for us. We both have grown deeper and deeper into our purpose ever since we met them. And keep flying further and further in the direction of our deepest dreams. Thank you for being such a supportive and loving flying companions.
      With soaring love,
      Wendi

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